Just another Manic Monday……

 

As you can probably tell from the title, I have mixed feelings about today.  I seem to have “writers block”.  I have written about four sentences in the last 30 minutes only to delete them.   

It has gotten me thinking though; life is such a rollercoaster.  We all have our ups and downs.  I like to think life is about taking those ups and downs and seeing what you can make out of them.

I have started talking with another mother who lost her child to anencephaly.  It has been so comforting to have someone else who understands how I feel.  I have also been referred to several others and look forward to getting to know them and their stories. 

Each one of us has our own stories, our own ups and downs in life.  One problem or situation is not greater or less than another.  Your problem or situation might feel like the weight of the world or it may just be a feather.  No matter what the weight, we all need a friend or loved one to express these feelings too.

With that begin said, I encourage all of you to take a little extra time today to call, text or email a friend or loved one and catch-up with them.  We all get so busy with life that sometimes we forget to say, Thank you, I love you, hello and good bye.  So be sure and let someone know you’re thinking about them and you have time to care about what they have to say!

 With Much Love & Thanks,

~Free to Fly~

Why Free to Fly?

So now that you know a little about me and why I have started this blog, let me tell you why I named it Free to Fly.

After losing my baby boy, I decided that I wanted to get a tattoo to honor him. (Yes, I realize some people don’t understand this, but I try to live my life as my own and not based on what others think.) I had a tattoo of a cross placed on my left foot when I lost my grandmother.  It is something that I always will treasure and feel connected to her with. 

After thinking about it and discussing it with my husband, we went to a local tattoo artist.  I promised my husband, “we are just going to talk to him; I won’t do it today.” (We both realized this is something I would live with for the rest of my life.) He of course, knew I was going to be going home with a new tattoo that day.  Even I know, sometimes I can be rather hard-headed when I set my mind to do something.

 After talking with the artist, we decided that what I wanted originally was not going to work the way I wanted. So after, I’ll be honest not a lot of consideration, I decided on a Sailor Jerry Swallow.  I had it placed on my left wrist.  I left with my new tattoo and have never for one second regretted my somewhat spur-of-the-moment decision to get a swallow.    

And that is how Free to Fly was born.  My sweet baby boy received his wings and is flying with the most high!  I have my tattoo as a memory that, yes I had to let him go, but he is flying free and all I can do is give him to God.

With Much Love & Thanks,

~Free to Fly~

That one simple question.....

The question that I know you are all asking is, why?  Why did I decide to start this blog? 

Within 20 minutes of posting my new blog yesterday, I received several emails and Facebook posts from friends saying they had lost a child or knew of someone who lost a child.  That is why I started this blog.  Losing an unborn child in not something most people openly, and understandable, talk about.  I have known people for years that I had no idea had lost a child. That simple fact breaks my heart!  

          Every person goes through different ups and downs in their lives, this is mine.  This is what I know and what I am here to share with others. 

However, I don’t want my blog to be only tears and heartache.  We each, including myself, have so much to be thankful for and we must remember that and remind each other of that.        

One of my favorite quotes is:

 “God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, or sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way. - Unknown

This quote has been a favorite of mine for many years and I find myself reciting it often.  I hope that it brings you as much comfort as it does me!

With Much Love & Thanks,

~Free to Fly~

 

I have been having this feeling that I need to do something with all these emotions that I feel are trapped inside me with nowhere to go. After much prayer and consideration, I have decided to start a blog. So here we go……

Let me start by telling you a little about myself and why and what I hope to accomplish with this blog; Free to Fly. 

I am a thirty year old, happily married to my best friend and mother of a wild precious two year old girl.  I live in Little Rock, Arkansas. I am not claiming to be a writer or English major.  I am merely expressing myself in the form of a blog.  I have a very supportive family, group of friends and church members.  However, recently I have gone through a terrible loss and have felt somewhat isolated from others.  From my personal loss, I have felt a calling to start this blog and to help other in similar situations in whatever way possible. 

 My terrible loss was finding out that I was losing my baby boy at 18 weeks pregnant. 

One week prior, my husband and I learned it was a BOY!  We were beyond excited.  At that ultrasound, the tech told us that she could not see his head very well and asked that we come back in two weeks for another ultrasound. 

After leaving the appointment I thought that it was a little strange that she said she could not see his head, but didn’t really think much about it because this was not our scheduled ultrasound and she gave me the excuse it was the way he was turned.  The only reason for this ultrasound was because our doctor, a dear friend, was trying to tell us the sex of the baby before Christmas.

Two weeks pass and we are back, excited to get confirmation of a boy.  The tech confirms and starts to look around.  She slowly, calmly stops, takes off her gloves and says, “I am doing to go get the doctor.”  At that moment, I knew, I knew something was terribly wrong and my entire world was about to come crashing down.  I began to cry and tell my husband something is wrong.  (I have one child and know this is not standard procedure.) 

The doctor walks in with a look I will never forget.  He is heartbroken and lets me cry.  I knew, I knew in his eyes, I was going to lose my baby boy.  Everything after that is mostly a blur.  I vaguely remember him telling us our baby had anencephaly and explain what that was.  I had never heard of such a thing.  I was in complete and utter shock.  What did he mean; I was going to lose my baby?  No, I was 18 weeks; I was out of the woods, so to speak. 

 The next day, thanks to my doctor, I was able to get into a clinic at UAMS (University of Arkansas for Medical Science) that deals with high-risk pregnancies.  I had another ultrasound done and they confirmed that he did have anencephaly. After a couple hours of learning about anencephaly and talking with the doctors and a genetic counselor, we knew that our baby was not going to live. 

 On December 28, 2012, Tom Forest Lovett, III received his wings.  That was the hardest day of my life.  I will always cherish the little time I had with him and I cannot wait to see his face when we meet again!