I have been having this feeling that I need to do something with all these emotions that I feel are trapped inside me with nowhere to go. After much prayer and consideration, I have decided to start a blog. So here we go……

Let me start by telling you a little about myself and why and what I hope to accomplish with this blog; Free to Fly. 

I am a thirty year old, happily married to my best friend and mother of a wild precious two year old girl.  I live in Little Rock, Arkansas. I am not claiming to be a writer or English major.  I am merely expressing myself in the form of a blog.  I have a very supportive family, group of friends and church members.  However, recently I have gone through a terrible loss and have felt somewhat isolated from others.  From my personal loss, I have felt a calling to start this blog and to help other in similar situations in whatever way possible. 

 My terrible loss was finding out that I was losing my baby boy at 18 weeks pregnant. 

One week prior, my husband and I learned it was a BOY!  We were beyond excited.  At that ultrasound, the tech told us that she could not see his head very well and asked that we come back in two weeks for another ultrasound. 

After leaving the appointment I thought that it was a little strange that she said she could not see his head, but didn’t really think much about it because this was not our scheduled ultrasound and she gave me the excuse it was the way he was turned.  The only reason for this ultrasound was because our doctor, a dear friend, was trying to tell us the sex of the baby before Christmas.

Two weeks pass and we are back, excited to get confirmation of a boy.  The tech confirms and starts to look around.  She slowly, calmly stops, takes off her gloves and says, “I am doing to go get the doctor.”  At that moment, I knew, I knew something was terribly wrong and my entire world was about to come crashing down.  I began to cry and tell my husband something is wrong.  (I have one child and know this is not standard procedure.) 

The doctor walks in with a look I will never forget.  He is heartbroken and lets me cry.  I knew, I knew in his eyes, I was going to lose my baby boy.  Everything after that is mostly a blur.  I vaguely remember him telling us our baby had anencephaly and explain what that was.  I had never heard of such a thing.  I was in complete and utter shock.  What did he mean; I was going to lose my baby?  No, I was 18 weeks; I was out of the woods, so to speak. 

 The next day, thanks to my doctor, I was able to get into a clinic at UAMS (University of Arkansas for Medical Science) that deals with high-risk pregnancies.  I had another ultrasound done and they confirmed that he did have anencephaly. After a couple hours of learning about anencephaly and talking with the doctors and a genetic counselor, we knew that our baby was not going to live. 

 On December 28, 2012, Tom Forest Lovett, III received his wings.  That was the hardest day of my life.  I will always cherish the little time I had with him and I cannot wait to see his face when we meet again!